Tuesday. 11.13.07 11:38 pm
Mood: Depressed if nothing else
Watching: Courage the Cowardly Dog (WTF?)
Listening to: Infected - Bad Religion
This is bullshit. People are talking shit about people that I care about. And what really bothers me is that the people who are talking shit are people that I also care about. And what's pissing me off even more is that one of my good is talking shit to my freakin' best friend evurrrrrrrzzz. Chen. ILU. Caitlin, I'm sorry if this ends a friendship, but I'm not gonna have anybody talking smack about somebody that I've known for so many years and that's been really good to me and my family. Anne gives a shit about us, and I appreciate it. She's doing all she can to make sure that I can still do someting that I love to do, and I really feel a duty to protect her. Amanda started all of this shit, and I'm really pissed. I swear, I want to run a razor over her throat. It'd bring some satisfaction. God, but seriously. Anne takes care of the horses. I'm there all the time and she's there too. She's always feeding them, but it's a lot to do now that she's lost everybody who used to help her. And if you ask me, there's some real betrayal going on here. Amanda had been with my trainer longer than me, and because she was a bit ticked off, she left for Coto. Then she started luring the rest of the barn away until it's just Jas, Chen, Marissa, and me left. I'm currently the 'Senior Member' per se.
And as if that wasn't enough, I've been really freakin' depressed lately. There's a lot of bullshit going on in my life right now. I'll go outright and say it:
As of right now, my family is pretty much bankrupt.
The only reason why I still have my horse and my HOUSE is because Cardiak, who is the center of my life anymore, is up at my aunt's house which is an hour to three hours away, depending on the traffic, and I only get to visit him once a week. Then I don't even really get to ride as their arena is too small to work him in, and after I kinda walk him around and hang with him, I muck out three horses/ a weeks worth of shit from their stalls and the run and the attatched arena. And as winter is coming closer, they're getting skinnier, all three, despite how much food and supplements they're getting. I don't know, but I think my aunt might be neglecting to feed them their supplements and such. She doesn't seem to notice how skinny they're getting thought, especially now that their winter coats are coming in. It's just very upsetting. And now that highschool is getting more and more underway, it seems that the teachers have decided that more work is called for. There's little going on right now that's right.
Chen just got back from Hawaii a couple of days ago, and I can tell you that that was my highlight of the week. There's not much that's really making me all too happy anymore and my parents are upset over it, despite how much I try to hide this little 'depression'. However, it's just that there are so many things that are setting me off into these really depressed moods where I've considered freakin' getting stoned off my ass just to ease it away, but so far I've been able to resist. I'm pretty sure that I can keep holding out, but I'm under a bunch of stress, as is the rest of my family. Well, my mom and dad at least. And now I'm not going to be able to see my friend Gaby for a long time because her dad pissed my mom off. I really don't feel like going into detail. In fact, I feel like punching myself. Which is what I ended up doing a couple of days ago. I still have the bruises. I was so upset. I almost just grabbed the keys to my mom's car and drove, despite the fact that I'm only 13.
Let's just say that it's not been my week. Or month. Or I could probably even go so far as to say that it's not even my year.
Well. End little Emo-Sam rant, yeah?
I'd like to say : On to Happier things...
Unfortunately, I can't. I've already mentioned the happiest thing that's happened to me in like, three weeks, and that was Chenielle coming back from Hawaii.
And I guess, as a minor accomplishment, I found my cell phone again today. xP
Anyways. If you've actually read up until now and decided that this was all self pity, feel free to LAWL at that. I don't really givek a damn. Personally, I wouldn't call it self pity, as I really don't care any more. As long as nothing happens to my Chen and my Cardiak, I'm all good. I could freakin' drop dead right now, and I'd be more pissed that this wouldn't get updated rather than that I was now dead and just some soul looking at an empty shell of a body. Yeah. But whatever.
» Bullet on 2007-11-13 11:46:05
I've had that happen before, it pissed me off, and I told the people that were talking shit to stop.
Last night I had a dream that most of my older friends started hanging out with this girl I can't stand, and they all wanted to call me jealous... Why I'd be jealous of her, I don't know... but whatever.
» ikimashokie on 2007-11-14 09:36:53
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